Tacky Treats

So, the second assignment for my creative writing class was to pretend that I was one neighbor talking to another about what I knew about that Laura chick and her pastry theft. So, here goes it!

"Tacky Treats"

Well, I was actually thinking about the brunch Laura hosted last weekend. I had an absolute blast, of course. I mean who doesn’t love breakfast burritos and board games?

And I certainly know you enjoyed yourself; I don’t think I once saw you without a mimosa in hand.

But, that brings me back to what I was wondering.

Why is it that a woman can afford to supply that much champagne, and yet feel the need to steal a dessert?

What? You didn’t know?

Well, I absolutely loved the pastries she served. Apparently Butter Braids are a well-known school fundraiser item. I’d never heard of them before, and I have the feeling my thighs are grateful for that. But, my sweet tooth and I wanted more information about them.

Laura sort of just brushed me off. I didn’t think much of it since she was trying to host a brunch and get some games going. But, curiosity killed that cat – and I was a hungry kitty.

So, I asked her roommate if she knew anything about them.

Apparently Laura is not much of a baker. Nancy was the one who actually prepared the Butter Braids, so she still had the wrappers with the baking instructions out.

That’s when I saw “Tom” written in red Sharpie on the wrappers. I asked Nancy who Tom was, but she didn’t know anything about it. She just said Laura brought them in from her office.

Ooo… Mystery pastries! I know. Exciting, right? But, I have to admit. I was now curious about this Tom fellow.

Did you every meet Laura’s ex-boyfriend? The one with the gambling problem that moved in with her friend Heather? The same Heather that works in Laura’s office?

Did you meet Heather? She was the little artsy gal in the purple.

I chatted a bit with her to see if Laura was back in contact with Tom or something. I’d heard about some of the drama between Laura and Tom. (And I can’t believe she got Heather to take that bastard in as a roommate.)

So now I was curious if we were eating relationally tainted desserts. Ew. Tom pastry…

But as it turns out, I was completely wrong.

“Tom” in the red Sharpie is actually one of the Vice Presidents from their office. And when Heather heard that we were all eating his Butter Braids, she started laughing hysterically.

Apparently one of the other brokers in their office signed Tom up on a fundraiser form without his knowledge. So, when it came time to collect the money, Tom paid for them and acted like he knew all about it – Even though the whole office was in on it.

Chutzpa must go a long way in brokerage.

Anyways, Tom left the pastries in their office freezer and forgot all about them.

I’m not sure what persuaded Laura to steal them, or whether or not she’ll get caught, but we were all eating “hot” pastries, so to speak.

How tacky is that?! Stolen dessert.

But what do you expect from a lady with lawn flamingos?

Creative Writing!

This is my first entry for my Creative Writing class!


Sinful Sweets 1/24/2011 9:34 AM (Laura Latterman)


On Saturday, I stole a pastry. No, I take that back. I stole two pastries. Now, this is not like a morning cartoon show where the rascally rabbit steals a cooling pie from the window sill. Instead, this was me liberating two frozen and forgotten Butter Braid pastries out of the freezer at work. I would love to say I cooked them and gave them to a homeless man, but I really just served them to my friends for Sunday Brunch.

One of the brokers in my office played a prank on a fellow broker by signing him up on a coworker’s school fundraiser form for Butter Braids. So, when time came to pay for the pastries, the prankee was caught completely off guard, but paid for them anyways. But, since he was not expecting the pastries in the first place, they then sat in the freezer at work for six months.

My theory is that I was really doing him a favor. His forgotten sweets were taking up room in the freezer with no hope of rescue from permafrost. And, if by chance, someone were to have reminded him about the Butter Braids, then he’d sorely remember being the butt of the prankster’s joke, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth instead of the sweetness of pastry.

All that being said, I know that it was technically wrong to take and enjoy that which was not mine, yet I feel no remorse in savoring and sharing those tasty morsels of pastry goodness with my friends. As the saying goes: waste not, want not. The pastry was going to waste, and I wanted it.