Dow Rode

Meandering your way along mist soaked dirt trails; the heady smell of wet cinnamon and eucalyptus clouds your mind. Within five minutes of exiting your car, you are transported to a world unmarred by man. It’s like you are in another place and time… Ferns shadow lichen encrusted rocks and outcroppings. Trees that speak in tongues long forgotten stretch into the mist above. In the distance you can hear the tap-tap-tapping of a woodpecker looking for its next meal. Dogwood trees add splashes of white and pink amongst the green foliage. Gliding along the trail of your choosing, you glimpse a hint of mankind: a cement tunnel is in your path. Although you know Mother Nature never intended this passage, she has nevertheless decorated the path with her beauty. Pushing aside a spindle of honeysuckle, you make your way though the tunnel…

Magically, you’re no longer in the forest, but on a sea bluff! The smell of the salt air mingles with the sagebrush. You now begin to wonder if that woodpecker you heard was instead an otter working away at an abalone shell. A wooden rail (borrowed directly from the forest) is all that separates you from the ocean. Gazing out, time freezes; there is a gorgeous deep blue lagoon below you. A waterfall is cascading from the edge of the costal forest onto the untouched white sands of the lagoon’s beach. There are no words for the beauty you have discovered…

To the right is a rocky outcropping, just begging to be climbed. You oblige and find the perfect perch to sit, absorb, wonder, and relax in the splendor before you. It is midmorning, and the sun is just beginning to pierce through the marine layer. A beam of warmth falls upon your back, and you feel as if God and Mother Nature as one have invited you to stay as long as you wish. You feel at peace.

Then, all of a sudden, you hear laughter and running feet. Two young boys spring out of the tunnel. The wooden railing becomes a jungle gym as the boys’ parents step up behind them. Muffled awe drifts up to your ears from the adults. Meanwhile, the boys have begun to dig their initials into the fence with their Cub Scout survival tools. The husband and wife share a tender glance, and then shuffle their brood further down the trail.

The momentary lapse into reality reminds you of other trails and paths yet to be personally discovered by yours truly. But, before you clamber back down to the path, you take a mental picture – a postcard for your memories. Then slowly wander back to your car, whistling a song you don’t know the words to.

Tacky Treats

So, the second assignment for my creative writing class was to pretend that I was one neighbor talking to another about what I knew about that Laura chick and her pastry theft. So, here goes it!

"Tacky Treats"

Well, I was actually thinking about the brunch Laura hosted last weekend. I had an absolute blast, of course. I mean who doesn’t love breakfast burritos and board games?

And I certainly know you enjoyed yourself; I don’t think I once saw you without a mimosa in hand.

But, that brings me back to what I was wondering.

Why is it that a woman can afford to supply that much champagne, and yet feel the need to steal a dessert?

What? You didn’t know?

Well, I absolutely loved the pastries she served. Apparently Butter Braids are a well-known school fundraiser item. I’d never heard of them before, and I have the feeling my thighs are grateful for that. But, my sweet tooth and I wanted more information about them.

Laura sort of just brushed me off. I didn’t think much of it since she was trying to host a brunch and get some games going. But, curiosity killed that cat – and I was a hungry kitty.

So, I asked her roommate if she knew anything about them.

Apparently Laura is not much of a baker. Nancy was the one who actually prepared the Butter Braids, so she still had the wrappers with the baking instructions out.

That’s when I saw “Tom” written in red Sharpie on the wrappers. I asked Nancy who Tom was, but she didn’t know anything about it. She just said Laura brought them in from her office.

Ooo… Mystery pastries! I know. Exciting, right? But, I have to admit. I was now curious about this Tom fellow.

Did you every meet Laura’s ex-boyfriend? The one with the gambling problem that moved in with her friend Heather? The same Heather that works in Laura’s office?

Did you meet Heather? She was the little artsy gal in the purple.

I chatted a bit with her to see if Laura was back in contact with Tom or something. I’d heard about some of the drama between Laura and Tom. (And I can’t believe she got Heather to take that bastard in as a roommate.)

So now I was curious if we were eating relationally tainted desserts. Ew. Tom pastry…

But as it turns out, I was completely wrong.

“Tom” in the red Sharpie is actually one of the Vice Presidents from their office. And when Heather heard that we were all eating his Butter Braids, she started laughing hysterically.

Apparently one of the other brokers in their office signed Tom up on a fundraiser form without his knowledge. So, when it came time to collect the money, Tom paid for them and acted like he knew all about it – Even though the whole office was in on it.

Chutzpa must go a long way in brokerage.

Anyways, Tom left the pastries in their office freezer and forgot all about them.

I’m not sure what persuaded Laura to steal them, or whether or not she’ll get caught, but we were all eating “hot” pastries, so to speak.

How tacky is that?! Stolen dessert.

But what do you expect from a lady with lawn flamingos?

Creative Writing!

This is my first entry for my Creative Writing class!


Sinful Sweets 1/24/2011 9:34 AM (Laura Latterman)


On Saturday, I stole a pastry. No, I take that back. I stole two pastries. Now, this is not like a morning cartoon show where the rascally rabbit steals a cooling pie from the window sill. Instead, this was me liberating two frozen and forgotten Butter Braid pastries out of the freezer at work. I would love to say I cooked them and gave them to a homeless man, but I really just served them to my friends for Sunday Brunch.

One of the brokers in my office played a prank on a fellow broker by signing him up on a coworker’s school fundraiser form for Butter Braids. So, when time came to pay for the pastries, the prankee was caught completely off guard, but paid for them anyways. But, since he was not expecting the pastries in the first place, they then sat in the freezer at work for six months.

My theory is that I was really doing him a favor. His forgotten sweets were taking up room in the freezer with no hope of rescue from permafrost. And, if by chance, someone were to have reminded him about the Butter Braids, then he’d sorely remember being the butt of the prankster’s joke, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth instead of the sweetness of pastry.

All that being said, I know that it was technically wrong to take and enjoy that which was not mine, yet I feel no remorse in savoring and sharing those tasty morsels of pastry goodness with my friends. As the saying goes: waste not, want not. The pastry was going to waste, and I wanted it.

Monkey Butler

Monkey Butler - Free Improv Comedy & Acting Workshop - Thursdays in 2011
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Hiatus

I appologize for the seeming lack of effort as of late.  Work and school have had me super busy, but I think it's my personal life that has kept me from working on here.  I'll have more time, now that finals are winding down.  :0)

Loophole!

Okay... This is horribly awesome, so I had to share.

If you want a way to download free MP3s from Amazon.com - It's apparently really easy.

I purchased a $0.99 song from their site which downloads right away to your computer.

If you have an account with them and a credit card on file, then they process your card after you download the song.

I must not have updated my profile with my new debit card number, so the payment didn't process and the order was cancelled.  BUT, that's AFTER I already downloaded my now FREE SONG!  Loophole!

Here's the email I got from Amazon.com today:


Greetings from Amazon.com.

We have not received a valid method of payment and thus are cancelling
your order (#D01-0164194-1236814). To verify and/or update payment
information for your account, please visit the following page:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/css/account/cards/view.html

Please note you will need to place a new order for the item(s) you
wished to purchase.

Please note: This e-mail was sent from a notification-only address that
cannot accept incoming e-mail.  Please do not reply to this message.

Thank you for shopping at Amazon.com.

Sincerely,
Amazon.com Customer Service
http://www.amazon.com

Pastafarians!

Italian funnel cake @ Vita Bella!